10 Coworker Crush Types

Flirting at work.  A hobby for some, an art form for others.  Without a coworker crush, the workplace would be an even colder and darker place.  In honor of Valentine’s Day, Jobacle would like to thank our coworker crushes for never expecting flowers the next day.  Tell your coworker how they feel!  Tweet your office “love” by using Twitter hashtag #Coworker Crush.

Name: The New Girl

Signs: You wake up in the morning and suddenly realize that you’re not dreading work as much as you did yesterday.  In fact, you even care about your appearance.

Relationship: This new hire will have you going out of your way to see her or converse with her.  You’ll likely find excuses to deal with people you normally avoid just to get a glimpse.

Why It Works: She’s like a bright light in a dim office.  You’re desperate for change and this cutie represents hope.  Plus, she’s unaware of your jaded past.  You get a clean slate to flirt on.

End Game: Just like a new car, her “newness” will wear off and you’ll grow to despise her, just like you despise the rest of your co-workers.

Name: The Untouchable

Signs: Your heart flutters, your mouth goes dry and you stumble over your words.  The mere sight of her makes you weak at the knees and she knows it.

Relationship: You’ll either shut down, leading her to believe you’re a creep or that she’s a real bitch.  Or, perhaps, in an effort to become the envy of the office, you try to win her over.

Why It Works: Work is nothing more than an extension of high school.  Our quest for Kelly Taylor never ends.  Marriage, kids, even old age can’t stop our pursuit of the head cheerleader – only death.

End Game: Inevitable failure.  Regardless of your approach, the odds are that you’ll fall flat on your face, unless of course your name is Dylan McKay – or  you have his wicked sideburns.

Name: The Work Wife

Signs: Every job is its own emotional rollercoaster, and this is a ride you choose to take together.  From your disappointment on not getting that promotion to those wacky water-cooler antics you have to get off your chest, you lean on this person for advice, approval and overall validation.

Relationship: Flirting cycles ebb and flow.  There will be days you spend all eight hours chatting and days where you pretend you don’t know each other.  Everyone in the office views you as a combo deal.  It’s a true marriage, with even less sex.

Why It Works: For the most part, this one passes the time and brings a slice of the “real” you into the office.  You have a freak flag, and you let it fly for her.

End Game: You’re on the precipice of some serious danger.  If you’re in a relationship at home, your significant other will immediately spot the signs of the “work wife.”  It could be the fact that her name comes up at every dinnertime conversation.  Or, your spouse, like many, operates on the notion that this person already exists.  If 50% of marriages end in divorce, your odds for separation at work and home – just increased two-fold.

Name: The Desperation Plan

Signs: In the real world you wouldn’t even give this woman a second look.  However, in the shadows of Cubicle World, you start to question yourself, ‘Am I being too harsh and judgmental?”

Relationship:  You pick and choose your times of interaction.  Moments of extreme boredom, tension at home or a lot of makeup can drive you to boot up the flirt machine where you would have never previously thought possible.

Why It Works: Let’s be honest, we all want to be “desirable” to someone, even if it means shooting for the bottom of the barrel.

End Game: This crush satisfies both parties, and under the right circumstances, can go the distance.

Name: The Too Close to Reality Girl

Signs:  You know she digs you.  You know you dig her.  Because of this, you’re almost scared to be alone with her.  Mere seconds separate fantasy and reality.

Relationship: The chemistry between the two of you is undeniable. So much so that most of the office already assumes you are sleeping together.  You’re only two beers at the Christmas party away from altering your career and your life.

Why It Works: Every guy likes a solid fall back plan,  no matter how amazing their current relationship is. Plus, pushing things to the limit lets you know you’re alive.

End Game: This game can get hot and heavy quick. Normally ends in a spectacular explosion.  The kind that crowds gather to watch.

Name: The Power Crush

Your mind wanders off on what it would be like to be with this person. That’s your hormones talking.  Your brain knows that if you saw this chick at the grocery store in sweatpants – the dream would die.

Relationship: Usually none.  There’s a good chance she doesn’t know your name, and if she does, it’s only because she’s complained about you.

Why It Works: The mundane daily grind needs its share of fantasy, why not a hottie in a business suit?

End Game: The “power crush” has a longer “relationship” period since interaction is not an essential ingredient,  Over time, however, the crush can weaken as you get to know the subject better (or they get demoted).

Name: The Maid Crush

Signs: Usually comes out of nowhere; a result of boredom.  You find yourself learning their routine.

Relationship: The exchange of simple pleasantries.  They are on a tight schedule (maid, vending machine person, UPS, etc.) and you’re just another blurry office worker.

Why It Works: The “maid” offers the lure of late-night, extra-curricular activities. A breath of fresh air from the people we have to deal with on a day-in, day-out basis.  They also represent freedom.  While you’re anchored to your desk, they are on the go.

End Game: These crushes usually involve people in positions that are subject to change, They can easily be assigned a new route  or to a different wing of the building,  The good news is, these crushes normally die fast.

Name: The Other Branch Girl

Signs: Internal brainstorm sessions on how you can put yourself into this person’s line of fire.  You might volunteer your services or even arrive early and stay late.

Relationship: Light to moderate flirting that rarely goes beyond making fun of the organization or the office whack job.

Why It Works: Familiarity breeds contempt, especially at the office.  She represents change.

End Game: Much like the Maid Crush, this infrequent visitor could get reassigned.  Another possibility is that she is transferred to your office full-time, successfully extinguishing the passion there once was.

Honorable Mention

The Age Bender – From cougars to kittens, what makes this wrong is what makes it so right.

The Lunch Hour – A store clerk or just someone from the other end of the building.  Their appeal can change  your eating habits.

Now it’s your turn!  There have gotta be plenty of other types of office crushes out there. Let us know about them in the comments section below. And if your crush turns into an affair, check out these books.

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