Stroking Each Other At Work
I recently was scanning my bookshelf and stumbled back onto an oldie but a goodie, "The Games People Play" by Dr. Eric Berne. While it's not a career book, if you've ever felt that each day at work repeats like a vicious cycle, the book will give you some interesting insight into how people interact. At the very least, you'll know you're not alone!
Today I'm gonna talk about "strokes." I will resist any temptation I have to be punny. In the world of Transactional Analysis (also known as TA, and sounds much scarier than it it) a stroke is the fundamental unit of a social transaction. The underlining theme is that all of us need recognition from other people - even though we spend a lot of time trying to convince ourselves otherwise. These strokes can all add up to a ritual, many of which we have EVERY freakin' morning!
ME: "Hey Bob."
CO-WORKER: "Hey Andrew."
ME: "Can't believe it's winter, eh?"
CO-WORKER: "Yeah, but I hear it's gonna cool down."
ME: "That sucks."
CO-WORKER: "Totally."
ME: "Alright man, gotta get to my desk."
CO-WORKER: "See ya."
Soooo lame. But see, we have "stroked" each other (get your mind out of the gutter). We've acknowledged one another and moved on. The day I don't have this conversation with CO-WORKER, he/she will be offended and feel unloved. Or, if we've been doing this dance for awhile, it's a ritual. That means anything less than the four strokes will be perceived as "short" and anything more would come across as weird. Like if I extended the conversation and asked CO-WORKER, "Hey, getting laid this weekend?"
The bottom line is that most of us have a set number of strokes with our co-workers. I say you get to the office tomorrow and add or subtract a stroke and watch how guarded people become. Obviously, TA goes much deeper than that. I'll hit on some other points in the future, so if I managed to grab your interest, please subscribe to this blog. Cause as you know, work is one big game!
Andrew G. Rosen
Reader Comments (5)
Nice job resurrecting a book that was huge in its time. Berne's work had a big impact and, like all things, was relegated to the "old school" bin just because it was--well, old. But there are certain things that hold up over time because there is truth in the teaching--this is one of them.
Steve