Dear Employee,
 
You're probably wondering how I'm typing this - but that's a foolish question - I AM a keyboard, after all.
 
All day long I take your abuse and ask for little in return.  My beige keys turn to black as your grubby little fingers hammer away with reckless abandon.
 
Your thumb drives at my SPACEBAR relentlessly.  And you abuse BACKSPACE like she was your eighth grade girlfriend.
 
I deserve some respect, that's all I'm saying.  Common courtesies, like the ones you extend my office counterparts. When the mouse slows down, you clean the lint. Screen smudge?  You break out the Windex.  But I sit here and act as a repository for your finger filth, potato chip crumbs and flaky dandruff.
 
Don't believe me?
 
Take a time out from this letter (a cry for help) and shake me upside down.
 
Ew!
 
I'm not threatening to lock up during that critical report, keyboards don't roll like that.  But a little maintenance would be nice. An anti-bacterial wipe. Spray of canned air.  Heck, even another upside down shake (it felt kinda nice)!
 
My clever shortcuts help you hide your Web 2.0 forays from the bossman. My CAPLOCK light helps keep your passwords in check. And the ESCAPE key is a Godsend.
 
So stop jerking me closer, pushing me away and treating me like a third-class citizen of the technology world.
 
You need me.  I need you.  Let's type nice.
 
Sincerely,
Your Keyboard

(If you have anything you'd like to say to your keyboard, please leave a comment. Also, he asks that you subscribe to our podcast and blog.)

Enclosure