Stay-at-Home Parent - A Career Killer?

Sometimes a thought just hits you out of the blue like lightning and you wonder how you never could have thought of it before.  Call it a revelation.

Maybe I should stay home with a baby.  Me, Andrew G.R.

My wife's not even pregnant, but I'm a born planner and over-analyzer.  It's something we plan for down the road.  Now, it always seems natural just to have mommy stay at home - but when I started to think about it - it hit me that I might actually be the better candidate for a healthy diet of diaper changing and Days of Our Lives.  Here are the questions you need to ask yourself (and your spouse!)

Who makes more money?

I lose this one.  My wife if the bread-winner.  And unless you turn this blog into a revenue-generating machine, it will stay like that.  Why should we give up X thousands a year?

Who has better benefits?

Put another one in my wife's checklist.  As a city employee her benefits far exceed mine.  Not only are they cheaper but there are better doctors and a wider array of services.

Who would have an easier time re-entering the workforce down the road?

This one might be a draw.  I take that back, it favors her.  She can be out pf work for up to five years (without pay) and still be guaranteed a similar job upon her return.  Me, I'd be living on the job boards and keeping my fingers - and everything else - crossed.  Also, how does it look on a resume?  2008 - 2010, Stay-at-Home Dad.  A corporate asset or major red flag?

Are you socially comfortable with it?

It's "acceptable" for a man to stay home, heck, it's 2007.  But let's face it - stereotypes might be busted open - but there's still a stigma attached.  I'm not saying if it's good, bad or otherwise - you just have to make sure you're ready for whatever it is.

Will you enjoy it?

On paper, things can look great.  Reality is a whole other story.  I went through a stage of trying to sell myself on teaching.  A short day, summers off and only answering to a single boss.  It wasn't until I pictured myself doing the actually instruction that I realized - WHOA - this is NOT for me.  Clear your head and figure out if the change in routine, changing diapers thing and lullaby singing is really appealing.

Mingle on playdates?

At some point, you'll be wheelin' that kid around to the park.  Are you ready for the Mommy scene?  I would imagine that these groups only talk about their kids' routines and other childish idiosyncrasies.  If you're gonna play ball, you get all nine innings!

What are other things to consider?  I'm interested in all aspects - but particularly the career driven stuff.  Whether you've actually done it or just wrestled with these questions, please leave a comment below.

Also, if you haven't, please take a look at our Career Questionnaire and tell the world about your job!

Comments

[Katy]

When I was born almost 30 years ago it was my Dad who said he'd quit work to look after me; My Mum was the bigger earner and had better prospects however she felt she'd never live it down socially afterall the 1970's (in England at least) were still quite repressed.

It's something they both regretted later on in life - especially when my Mum tried to get back into a similar role (and failed), it would have been far easier for my Dad to be re-employed as he as, to put it bluntly, a man and despite what they say business is still very male dominated.

I don't think it matters these days whether the Mother or Father takes time off to look after the child, it's a much better option than farming them out to some expensive day care nursery where the child develops bad habits and has no idea who Mummy or Daddy are.

Besides, with technology the way it is these days, most people can work from home and perhaps go into the office once a week.

[Duane]

I've got 3 kids now, all under the age of 5. My wife, a professional physical therapist, stays home with them. I'm basically the sole bread winner. Technically she works one weekend a month to keep her name on the payroll but also for some adult time (more on this in a minute). It's a decision we made before we ever had kids. both of us come from traditional family units like that where mom stayed home, and dad brought home the pay check. There've been plenty of times when I would have loved to have that extra paycheck coming in, but this is the deal we signed up for, and I'm not going back on it.

So as far as money and benefits goes, that's me. Enjoy it? No doubt, her. It's what she's wanted all her life. Re-enter the workforce, well as you can see, she's deliberately keeping in the mix for exactly that reason.

As for the rest, it's not really as bad as it seems. The movie joke always shows Mr. Mom running around with the kids and having no clue what Mom's routine is. Well, duh, that's because Mom does it every day, and he's new to it. If it's the Dad who is handling the kids daily, then he'll simply have his own routine. No worries about that at all. Playgroups these days are very mixed, my wife always reports back on how many dads came to which music class or preschool recital.

I'm afraid though that yes, new parents and parents to be do talk about childish stuff (see earlier mention about the wife staying at work to get some adult time). Lots of potty and diaper talk. Lots of comparing notes about which sound the baby made, and who she looks like, and comparing techniques for getting the most sleep and the least spit up, and so on. It's just part of it. Sounds annoying and gross to be on the outside, but trust me, once you're in it yourself those people become your support circle and suddenly you're coming to them asking for wisdom on diaper changes. Happens to everybody.

I think the thing you missed is the prospect of work from home. Once you have kids, it's bound to come up. Can you work from home, either part time, on special occasions ("baby's sick, got to stay home and watch her"), or evenings? Plenty of dads out there (myself included) have arranged their working hours so that they can maximize family time, which for me also happens to mean that I'm logged back on every night from 9-12 rounding out my workday with some catchup work to make up for the maybe 7hr day I put in at the office.

Wow, that's a long post. I'm done.