Office Romance? Why Not Try a Different Dating Pool?

David Letterman’s recent escapades and his subsequent blackmailer’s attempt have put a spotlight on the office romance. By no means am I passing judgment on the work hook-up, but it just seems to me an overall really bad idea that most likely doesn’t end well.

(As a therapist and wellness advocate, there are some “absolutely not” connections. Those involve abuse of power in a boss/subordinate relationship, sexual harassment and any behavior that makes co-workers feel very uncomfortable or even unsafe in the work environment. I won’t go into those here because most of you hopefully agree those are beyond uncool.)

Can’t you hear all those HR personnel scurrying around to get an official “Office Fraternization Policy & Guidelines” in place? While working in Corporate World, I don’t remember anyone formally addressing the issue. I do, however, remember what it was like when co-workers were more than pals. In one company I worked for, a salesman and his secretary were “secretly” married. I thought it just odd when I found out, but it explained some of the weird energy I’d pick up on in their office.

Another work site romance, while it did involve a manager and a VP, mostly provided the staff with opportunities for humor. There was a re-org rumor and we peons wondered if “Mom & Mom had to split up, who would get custody of the kids (us!)?”

Until your HR dept. rolls out their new or revised policy, here are a few tips:

    * If you’re going to date a co-worker, pick someone in another department. The distance is good.
 
    * It should go without saying, but keep the PDAs under control. Eeeww.

    * This can be a huge boundary issue. If you don’t have healthy boundaries, you are not a good candidate for mixing the work/personal. Trust me.

    * Limit to whom you share info about the relationship. Workplace gossip. Duh.

    * Hey, here’s an idea - just don’t do it! Find another dating pool.

This is a guest post by Nancy LaFever. You can read more from her at the Centre for Emotional Wellbeing blog.

Comments

[Jenny Greenleaf]

I, too, remember what this was like when I held an "out of home" job . . . and it was uncomfortable for everyone. Plain and simple. This was especially true when break-up's occurred. So, I have to agree- just don't do it!

[Dawn]

My friend actually had a workplace romance (different departments, I believe) that ended in marriage. Shortly after they started dating, they were laid off for completely unrelated reasons (cutbacks...) so it became a non-issue very quickly.

I see what you're saying, but, in different departments, sometimes it CAN work out. They had no issues whatsoever working together, since they were basically just in the same building but that was it. Even so, they may not have met if not for their jobs.

[Kristen King]

Amen, sister! Especially on the issues of PDAs and boundaries.

[Lisa T]

Having been a young single once, I can say for me none of the work place romances ever worked out. Once I even left the job to get out of the weirdness. I agree with your last point; just don't do it.

[Amy]

Speaking as someone who worked in the office side of manufacturing facilities for many, many years, take my word for it. What you're doing is not a secret. Somebody knows. And when one somebody knows, the audience is ever-expanding. We will make fun behind your back. But the tittering might spill over to the front.

[Job Salary]

I think it's just some kind of daily inspiration aside from perspiration. Another part of motivation.

[carte sd]

I think office romance is fairly common these days as the office is where we spend so much of our time which irritate me a lot. Be careful if you are new at a job or in a novel situation, like a trade show or at a conference, and someone seems overly friendly or pumps you for too many intimate details about your personal life or about your business affairs.

[Nancy]

Some really good, valid points here! I believe it comes down to having healthy boundaries. If you are clear about those, I imagine you could pull off a relationship with a co-worker and not make yourself and other co-workers nuts.

[Jon Minners]

The Office Romance is an interesting topic. Anyone who wants to leave their own opinion on the subject can do so by taking the Office Romance Survey at http://bit.ly/4ECjJm