The Lost Art of Reading People and Situations

What Happened to Social Skills at Work?

As Andrew eloquently put it in his post, “Violated at Work, The Death of Personal Space,”our personal space at work is shrinking and often encroached upon by co-workers. I’m lucky - I share an office with a cat (if he’s in the mood) and my spouse only works from home one day a week. I have a luxurious amount of space.
 
But a related issue has come to my attention lately - lax or non-existent social skills in the workplace. Just as some people who aren’t very adept at respecting your personal space at work, they also are not be picking up on your facial expressions of “Can’t you see I’m busy?” annoyance, etc.

Since I work as a therapist, I should mention categories of folks who have a legitimate diagnosis that inhibits or prevents healthy social interaction. People who have a social anxiety disorder, for instance, can have such a high level of anxiety when they are around co-workers, that their social skills lapse. One of the symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome, which is now more commonly diagnosed and understood, is an extreme form of social difficulty (often described as “high-functioning autism.”) In many cases, these people are unable to even read different facial expressions and can’t follow behavioral clues like body language. But let’s give these folks a pass - they have a good excuse.
 
But I’m talking more about co-workers who might be social-skill challenged and aren’t making any attempts to correct the behavior. You know the guy who even though you’ve made the “I’m on the phone” gesture, still hangs out or worse, starts talking to you. Or the woman who tries to shove baby pix in your hands when you’re on your way to a meeting, balancing file folders, coffee and your PDA.

What works with these people? I have to believe that someone has brought this stuff to their attention at some point? Maybe a formal intervention where you all gather in a conference room and start with, “We’ve brought you here today, Bob, because you annoy the #@%&* out of us.” I’d love to know how you’ve handled these types in your office.

This is a post by Nancy LaFever. You can read more from her at the Centre for Emotional Wellbeing blog.

Comments

[Social Anxiety Anonymous]

I really appreciate this blog! And so true-- I had social anxiety and it would freeze me up to the point that my social skills could not function. It was so frustrating!

I had to deal with my social anxiety in order to reclaim my social awareness and my social flexibility. I was literally so anxious that I couldn't think. And that would block my natural social facility. This is the first article that I have seen that acknowledges this (usually they just assume that shy people never had social skills in the first place which isn't always true). Anyway I was helped greatly by Social Anxiety Anonymous (a nonprofit), here is their website: http://healsocialanxiety.com/SPAOnlineLibrary.html

[Nancy]

Thanks so much, Social Anxiety Anonymous for your helpful response. I'm glad you were able to get some assistance from the group you cited. I'll pass it on to my patients as well.

Take care,
Nancy

[fine art shipping]

Great post, Interesting stuff.