Help! My Boss Thinks He's Me! Handling a Copycat Coworker

Have you had this experience with a co-worker or boss - no matter who he is interacting with, he takes on the characteristics of that person? It could be mimicking the person’s mannerisms, voice inflection or even using the same verbiage or jargon. It’s weird if you notice it once or twice, but if it’s a constant M.O. of taking on personality traits, it can get a little creepy.  

Why would someone adopt this behavior? From a psychological perspective, it could be a number of different things.

* Fitting in - When we go into a situation in which we are uncomfortable, we look to others for the “norms.” We can then modify our behavior to fit in. This can happen when interacting with someone from a different culture - we follow their lead.

* Social discomfort - Some people have difficulty reading social cues, some even body language or facial expressions. Or they have a form of social phobia or anxiety disorder that results in discomfort around others. So mimicking someone in the group is a way to decrease the anxiety.

* Personality disorders - I won’t go into diagnostics here, but there are psychiatric disorders that involve extremely poor boundary identification. Often these folks don’t even completely understand where “they” end and “you” begin.   

So, in the above scenarios, we might cut the mimicker some slack. Are we uncomfortable around them? Sure. But what if the above don’t apply and it’s just the totally obnoxious co-worker or boss. This mimicking behavior from a boss can seem particularly insulting. Kind of a “Hey, I’m just one of you peons, too, a regular guy. Let’s just shoot the breeze like buddies.” Please! Intelligent people see through this immediately. It diminishes the boss’s credibility and authority.

How do you deal with these people? If it’s a colleague, you could confront them by saying, “I notice when you’re talking to me, you seem to be mimicking me. Maybe you aren’t aware of it or intend it, but it makes me uncomfortable.” If your colleague is a fellow supervisor, you might point out the behavior and ask if he thinks it might be poorly received by the supervisee. In both cases, you have brought the behavior to his attention. Wait and see what he does with that information. If he doesn’t make any modifications, you might address it with his/your boss or HR.

Do You Work with Mr. “Mimic?”

This is a post by Nancy LaFever. You can read more from her at the Centre for Emotional Wellbeing blog.

Comments

[Amy]

I worked with a guy like this once. Usually he mimicked the boss, but it could be anybody. Somebody at work gave me a toy bunny for Easter. I took it home, named it after this guy and proceeded to beat the stuffings out of it. Anytime I had to talk to him, I just pictured the pieces of bunny spilled out all over the floor.

[Michael B.]

This guy works at my office! How insecure can one person be? It's really quite sad.

[Andrew G.R.]

@Nancy - I work with one of these guys too. As bizarre as I find his behavior, I also feel badly for him. In a perfect world I would pull him aside and let him know that there are two dozen people laughing at his expense as he morphs into his subordinates. Instead, I'll just keep my mouth shut and enjoy the show!

[Nancy]

Good plan, Andrew (and Amy!). I tend to think these folks run the gamut from pitied to reviled. My concern is that this is the kind of behavior that gets in the way of good employees getting their work done. Who needs the distraction?

[bet]

I can't help but wonder if some of these people read "experts" that told them to make other people comfortable around you and to like you, you need to act like them. I have seen the act like, dress like, talk like "theory" in many articles/ books about the way to get ahead / make the sale.

[Nancy]

Good point and observation, bet. The practice of "mirroring" is not just a sales/business tactic. It's used in counseling, too. The danger, once again, is that the person being mirrored might feel that they are being made fun of or it can come across as condescending.

[Lana]

One of my 2 coworkers has not only been mimicking me (to pathological levels) for over 3 years now, but is even starting to take on characteristics I posess OUTSIDE of the workplace (for example, it's known that I'm a pro photographer in my spare time, so she's taken up photography, too.) My husband jokes that one day SHE'S going to come home, saying she's me. It would be funny, if it didn't seem to have some truth to it!
We're not talking about innocent picking up of peoples' mannerisms, etc. She DOES everything I DO and SAYS everything I SAY even when I'm in the middle of the statement or action--certainly no later than IMMEDIATELY after I do or say a thing. It's getting quite ridiculous, but this doesn't seem to fit the "legal" definition of harassment, although I DEFINITELY feel harassed every day I work with her. It's like being followed around and aped by a 2 year old all day every day. She gets in my way, she tries to read my e-mail, when I'm trying to complete a task she just starts trying to take it over, too.
Part of this problem is that at least I'm EFFICIENT and FAST. She's overmedicated, easily confused and painfully slow.
Thanks for listening to my rant. I've been as patient as I can be, but my patience has worn rather thin over the years. I just wish she'd go inadvertantly harass someone else for a change!!! :(