Want a fun way to get depressed? (sounds counter intuitive, I know.) Here’s a list of the best jobs in the world, every last one of them more fantastic then the last, and a lot more fantastic than yours. Read’em and weep.
Do you ever have to undertake travel for your work? It’s dull, isn’t it? Waiting about in utterly anonymous airport departure lounges for the inevitable news that your flight has been cancelled and you won’t be seeing the kids this Christmas.
A more enjoyable way of getting around is by waterslide, the thinking man’s method of motion. Some holiday resort companies hire people to test their waterslides, for safety reasons, sure, but also to get an *ahem* “professional” opinion on how good they are. I know it sounds like a great calling, but it has its ups and downs.
Luxury Bed Tester
My boss often tells me he could do my job in his sleep. I like to think that that isn’t quite true. However, if I were working as a luxury bed tester, I guess I’d have to concede the point. It’s quite literally a dream job. Over sleeping is thought of as overtime, and you’re expected to take everything that comes at you lying down.
Why is anyone employed in this capacity? It’s market research of a sort, for bed companies, and also, if you pay people to do preposterous things, it often generates publicity. I imagine that one day a major manufacturer of beds will fall foul of anti-discrimination laws when inevitably an insomniac applies for such a position.
I remember watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and thinking that, all in all the Oompa Loompas had a pretty rough deal. I often had day dreams about organising a union for the little fellas. It seemed to me they worked a lot harder than that Wonka charlatan, who just seemed to waltz about being a bit insane.
However, working for a confectionary firm doesn’t have to involve the corporate oppression of a bright orange, vaguely human, sub-species. Various confectionary companies employ staff whose full time job is to eat candy. Normally, they are the first line, trying out new top secret recipes. Market research, but sweeter.
Much like the above, but a bit swankier i.e. no Oompa Loompas involved. This is just the ticket for those of you who love to eat and eat well, although the ability to appreciate gourmet cooking and writing well are requirements. If your skills lie more with the mechanical aspects of eating you might be better off making a go of it hustling at pie eating competitions.
How do you go about landing yourself such a cushy gig? Having a culinary degree might help, but you can always network yourself to the top. If you become renowned, people will start trusting your taste more than their own. Restaurants could have menus created with an eye to getting a good review from you. But beware, give a damning review and a chef maybe be tempted to slip some special extras in your dish next time you visit.
What does this job entail? International travel, all expenses paid? Check. A huge budget with which to go shopping in some of the world’s most glamorous cities? Check. Can I keep the stuff I buy? Check. And in return you want me to write a blog about it? Seriously?
This how imagine the interview for the above position normally goes. I have no idea how exactly they pick between candidates to find those most suited to the role. Perhaps you have to prove your shop-a-holic status by producing your credit card bills. Whoever’s in the worst debt wins. Best social outreach programme ever…