He got his start laying pipe for the Atlas Water and Sewer company. Eventually, he climbed the ranks, becoming responsible for a staff of 800 and annual revenue exceeding $120 million. His name is Victor Kipling. This is his weekly column. Once small, neat and almost petite, the object he now held had, almost before his very eyes, expanded, swelled and grew to disgustingly bloated proportions. Like a pulsating tumor, the ‘employee handbook’ has grown and, in fact, metastasized. That portable, lightweight and generally benign and somewhat even helpful booklet has now been replaced by a dazzling array of rules and guidelines crafted in deliberately confusing, complex language. And, to add the proverbial insult to injury, today’s model is now often packaged in a loose leaf binder, so that every week or so, new pages of rules and procedures can be issued and added to the ever-growing tome.Really, it’s almost like the biggest non-producers in any … [Read more...] about The Ever-Expanding Employee Handbook
Archives for September 2007
On a day when I am absolutely slammed at work, I share with you an e-mail that made its way to the Jobacle Inbox.Dear People At The Bar I Work At:Hello, I am your doorman. Sometimes I work at the front door checking your id but usually I am at the back door making sure no one sneaks in their buddy. You might remember me; I'm the guy in all black standing at the back of the club all night. I enjoy hanging out with you, I get to chat with people and get hit on by girls with daddy complexes and get drunk after work for very cheap. Its good times, but there are a few of you that I have an issue with. I'd like to let you know what’s going on, to prevent any unpleasantness later on.Guy Trying To Give Me Twenty Dollars To Skip The Line: I get it. You want to look like the man in front of your date by pretending you have connections, so you shake my hand with four 5's in it and ask how long the wait is. It’s exactly as long as it was before you greased my palm. We are at capacity, … [Read more...] about Dear People I Work With…
Since 1994 Monster.com has been the job boards "leader," and since that time, an endless number of "Quality vs. Quantity" debates have spawned. Love them or hate them, their is no denying that their quick rise (and ability to stay on top) has been impressive. Heck, they were the first dot com to sponsoring Olympics and on any given Sunday, have floating blimps around the nation.Now I've only been doing this career thing since 2005, but one consistent theme has clearly emerged: people hate Monster, yet people still use Monster! Maybe even OJ!I am constantly getting e-mails from listeners and readers blasting Monster.com and how much is "sucks." Well for all of you haters out there, you enjoyed the Website's recent hacking and now you'll get a kick out of this e-mail that they are sending around to employers:We think you'll agree that it's the best deal around: Purchase a single 14-day Job Posting and get two more free. … [Read more...] about Wanna Slay Monster.com?
At first glance, the Resume Hunter might like what he sees. Proven champion. Successful franchise owner. Diverse accomplishments in acting and broadcasting. However, most employers wouldn't get past the name: Orenthal James Simpson, aka OJ.And you thought YOU weren't getting callbacks! Here's a few reasons why we think OJ could be the absolute worst employee ever:- No Motivation. We've all dealt with lazy employees, but why should OJ finish up those loose ends? Every penny he makes is owed to the Goldman and Brown families after being found liable for their deaths in a civil court. And OJ will be damned if he forks over a penny of the $33.5 million judgment. With a cushy NFL pension (that the government can't touch), this guy has zero motivation to do a good job.- Cloudy, With a Chance of Murder. Nothing sends up a red flag in HR like a job candidate who has been accused murderer. Most employers steer clear of candidates who appear … [Read more...] about OJ Simpson: The Worst Job Candidate Ever
A spankin' new Web site is launching tomorrow: DealDotCom. Normally, this blog is not a venue to plug non-career-related Web sites. However, from what we're hearing, this site is going to be BIG - with the potential to make both of us some money. And when you're a cube-dwelling slave, even vending machine change is better than nothing!In short, DealDotCom sells a single product a day at a "ridiculously low" price. The products will be related to building online business, increasing traffic, monetizing your Web sites, blogs, Web design, etc.If you're involved in Internet Marketing in any way, shape, or form, these are the products that you're probably already buying... but our members get to snag them for much less than the little people buy them for.Alright friends, what are you waiting for? Sign up now! … [Read more...] about Make Money With DealDotCom
The Resume Hunter has quickly become one of the most hated people on the Internet. The funny thing is, he's here to help! Not too many Web sites offer a free snapshot critique of your life on paper and help teach you how to write a resume. The bottom line is, if you're going to make your resume public, then you should have thick enough skin to handle some constructive criticism. This is an exercise we all can benefit from. Without further fanfare, let's check out the resume of one Kenneth S. Criscione. In Context: Right off the bat, Kenneth states that he is an "Automotive Professional." This is a great tactic to use when your resume is floating around the Web. Regardless of where it ends up, the reader knows what he's about and can quickly decide to read on or click out and bail. Find Me: As we've seen on a majority of online resumes so far, there is simply too much personal information up on the top. Aside from the fact that anyone can show up at Ken's doorstep, with so many … [Read more...] about Resume Samples and Advice
See...you're not alone! People have hated their jobs since the beginning of time! … [Read more...] about I Hate My Job: The Video
Earlier in the year FORTUNE Magazine wowed" us with their "100 Best Companies to Work For." Odds are though, you probabaly think that work sucks no matter where you are. Are you telling me no one has a crappy, passive-aggressive, nightmare-of-a-boss at Google? C'mon! In honor of this list, and the countless other useless career lists, we have one of our own: Jobacle.com presents the 57 Best FICTIONAL Companies to Work For. Since they're not real companies, work can't suck as bad! This list is by no means complete. Please add your picks in the comments section below. And don't forget about the Worst Fictional Bosses too! We'll be talking about this on a future episode of the Working Podcast - so please subscribe now!57 Best Fictional Places to WorkArcade Flower Shop, Three's Company: Never any misunderstandings.Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions, Harry Potter: Diagon Alley's finest.Victoria's Circuit, Futurama: Lingerie … [Read more...] about 57 Best FICTIONAL Companies to Work For
Yesterday was the first weekday in over nine months that I did not post a new blog entry on the Jobacle blog. It was a nice streak while it lasted. It was just one of those work days where everything was just nuts. I won't bore you with the details. However, I also endured a week from hell with the contractor from hell. Who knew so many things could go wrong in a 25 square foot bathroom! With that in mind, choosing The Forward of the Week was a breeze!The Trouble Tree The carpenter I hired to help me restore an old farmhouse had just finished a rough first day on the job. A flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric saw quit, and now his ancient pickup truck refused to start. While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence.On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands. When opening the door he underwent an … [Read more...] about Forward of the Week: The Trouble Tree
He got his start laying pipe for the Atlas Water and Sewer company. Eventually, he climbed the ranks, becoming responsible for a staff of 800 and annual revenue exceeding $120 million. His name is Victor Kipling. This is his weekly column.Hydrophobia, aka Rabies, is a devastating, dramatic and yet rare disease in America today. The name stems from Latin, meaning ‘fear of water’; which aptly describes one of Rabies primary symptoms. The poor victim, though suffering extreme thirst, is at the same time afraid of the very water he craves. By the way, it’s also almost always fatal.Yet, office workers today seem to suffer from the very opposite illness; that is fear of NOT drinking enough water. Because everywhere you look, almost everyone has a bottle of water handy. Strolling down the office hallway to see a colleague - or to simply attend a meeting - hardly merits taking a 24-ouncer with us. The risk of dehydration is assuredly very remote. After all, … [Read more...] about Is Your Office Drowning in Bottled Water?