Yesterday was like any other day at the office. It was boring, dull, and as flat as a small black dog squashed by a large yellow steam roller. So, a couple of the guys and I got together in an effort to escape the nightmarish reality of work. However, we realized that some of our usual pranks had become void of excitement, and the boredom we were experiencing had robbed us of our jouissance. To overcome this, we decided to make a prank call to our CEO. But much to our dismay, this proved to be rather difficult, as the company we work for is a Fortune 500 one, and you cannot just call up his secretary and get transferred. So, after a lot of trial and error we finally got hold of the CEO’s personal cell number. We called him up, said the word ‘PENIS,’ hung up, and giggled like little school girls.
Here’s how we got his number:
The Executive and Non-Executive Board
Information is key for a successful blag. If you go into the company Website, you should be able to find out the names and even C.V’s of the members of the executive and non-executive board of directors. The executive board members are the ones who have most of the power in a company and these people make all the major decisions. The non-executive board or supervisory board, as a rule, do not have much decision making power and only oversee the operations of the executive board members.
Selecting an Identity
You must select a member of the non-executive board with whom you will gather knowledge of. You will basically pretend to be this person when you call the CEO’s secretary, so the more you know, the better. The reason we use someone from the non-executive board is because the CEO’s secretary will probably not know him personally, but will certainly know of him (or her). With the executive board members the secretary will more than likely know each of them personally and will recognize your would be deceiving voice when you pretend to be one of them.
Making the Call
With all of the knowledge you have acquired, you will now call up the CEO’s secretary and pretend to be a non-executive board member. When speaking with the secretary it is important to sound very familiar, speak clearly and concisely with lots of volume, and make your voice as deep as possible. Say the following: “Hi, it’s (insert name of non-executive), how are you?” Let her reply and then say “Listen, (insert first name of CEO) is expecting my call, but I’ve boarded my blackberry, can you remind me of his number again, thanks.” She will get a bit flustered here as she knows she is not supposed to give out his number, but also knows you are very important and you sound like you should be getting the number. She will probably ask you another question, but no matter what the question is simply say this: “Listen (Say her name, which you should also get from the Website, or from the switch board) I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m running to catch my flight, he’s expecting my call now, just remind me of his number very quickly, thanks.” Then sit back, and listen to her reluctantly reel off the number. Now you too can call your CEO and say the word ‘penis’ whilst giggling like a school girl.
Please note: This has the potential to get you sacked, probably sued, and in some countries stoned to death, not to mention the moral issues that go hand- in-hand with lying and impersonation. However, it is also important to note that it is still amusing and therefore probably worth it.
This is a guest post by Chris O’Hara.